Recently I saw something on Facebook that got me
thinking.
And no, it wasn’t a series of pictures of
celebrities at the beach or animals doing silly things or anything else like
that. Although I have to admit, most of
my Facebook time is spent looking at that kind of stuff.
A friend was asked by someone she didn’t know
well to quickly summarize who she is.
She recalled a moment in her life that defined who she is today, a moment
that started the course of shaping her into the person she became. I was blown away by her quick thinking, and found
it admirable that she could pinpoint an exact moment that this happened. I immediately reflected upon my own nebulous past. It seemed important, a thing that we all should
be able to do.
Also, because I hold the record for world’s #1 Navel-Gazer,
I never miss an opportunity to reflect and wonder about myself in any capacity.
The idea rolled around in my head for a few days
and I came up with nothing. What drives
me? Furthermore, when did this drive,
this important thing, become my motivation, my inspiration to get out of bed in
the morning?
I so badly wanted that moment to be something
spiritual, something to do with God and Jesus and being a Christian. I admire people who say “I became a Christian
at five years old” and “I don’t ever remember not knowing Jesus.” Loving Jesus and working on my relationship
with God has been a truly remarkable time in my life, but it is relatively
recent. I wish I had spent less time
during my life resisting Jesus and more time loving him. It seems nicer, somehow.
But a nice, neat, pure and holy turning point
just isn’t my thing. Then it dawned on
me. My moment.
My defining moment came when I was 17 and I was
moping around, a favorite pastime back then.
My moodiness and angst-filled tirades had reached their limit in my
mother, who one day interrupted my pity-party-of-one to give me the business
about growing up and getting over myself, that I wasn’t the only person in the
world who felt the feelings I felt.
Before she slammed the door to my room she advised me to get out there
and get a job, for goodness’ sakes.
Her words stung.
Realization dawned on me that I was a brat, first and foremost, but also
that I am not alone in the world. Other
people felt like I did? Who are they? Where are they? How can I find them? Why didn’t any of my friends tell me? Was it my fault?
I wasn’t open.
I told white lies and exaggerated to get attention. I had walls, held people at arms’ length. Shyness was a favorite excuse. I judged others, was stuck up. The list of my flaws was long and was revealed
to me over the years.
Relating to others became my motivation. I needed to be able to share and be shared
with. The realization that my
personality thus far was what kept me from being close to others helped me to battle
that list of character flaws one, two, three at a time. I failed miserably and was humbled again and
again. I studied psychology to understand
how we relate, entered a committed relationship to fully relate to another person
and had children both to teach and to learn from. I made friendships by being honest, by
letting down my guard and showing people my ugly face. I observed that we are all similar; there’s
no need to put on an act for anyone. I
learned that if I feel terrible, odds are that someone else is too, and we can help
each other through it.
Relating to others is why I look forward to
difficult conversations with my kids, why my friends and I laugh so hard and so
long through our tears, and why I drive my husband crazy by forcing him to think
about things he doesn’t want to think about.
It’s why I’ve had an internal dialogue with myself all these years, and
why I started writing. It was revealed
as my motivation in that one moment.
The bonus is that I truly believe that relating
to others is my purpose, and that God, in his purity and holiness, designed me
this way. He is present in every thought
and action I’ve had, and he led me here.
Guess what? He did that for you,
too. Do you know when it happened?
*******
An
honest answer is like a kiss of friendship. Proverbs
24:26 (NLT)
Two
people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out
and help. But someone who falls alone is
in real trouble. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NLT)
Even
before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be
holy and without fault in his eyes. Ephesians 1:4
(NLT)
For
we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew
in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians
2:10 (NLT)
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