I
used to be more of a worrier by nature.
How
are we going to pay for college? I hope
the kids are safe outside. Oh God, he’s
late again – I hope there hasn’t been an accident. What is this mole?
I
could really work myself up into a pillar of worry drilled into the ground,
staring off into space while I luxuriate in all the possibilities.
House
fires. Homelessness. Child abductions. Drive-by shootings. Theft.
Rape. Disease. Injury.
Torture.
Oh,
yeah – my mind goes there. It’s why I
avoid graphic television and movies. All
that grief and destruction is too tempting.
Because
I mix worry with a healthy dose of overactive imagination and an overall sense
of bleakness, I appreciate that my mother is not a worrier, and that she taught
me that worrying is futile and a waste of time.
Over the years her words ring out when worrying straps me down: We can’t
often change what’s already in motion, and we can do far better being
adaptable than worrying about what might happen unexpectedly. She doesn’t waste her life on worry, and
neither should I. Her example has kicked
me out of a worry spiral countless times.
For
this I am grateful. Thanks, Mom.
But
things still happen. I’m not always paralyzed
by worry, but it fingers its way through my thoughts when my mind starts
sparking with what ifs. What to do about
the ominous feeling that grips when the kids leave the house alone, when the
lights flicker during a storm, when I see the bank balance less than the sum of
our bills? It’s natural for me to think
the worst – I’m not my mother, after all.
Thankfully,
it subsides, flickering out almost as quickly as it comes. Maybe it’s age and wisdom, which are attended
by weariness and the tediousness of old habits.
Maybe it’s that my childhood life lessons are finally kicking in – I was
always a bit slow on the uptake.
And
then again, maybe it’s because I’m closer to God these days – more than I ever
was – praying almost before the worry can even think about stirring my brains.
Whatever
it is, the tendency to stew in morose thoughts is kicked out of the way in lieu
of acknowledging them, handing them over to God as if to say, “Hey, what’s your
take on this?” and letting him take over, leaving me to adapt and move on.
Or
something like that.
I
love how God works in our lives. Every
story that people tell in the name of God’s glory, every personal anecdote and
sign from heaven is amazing and wonderful; they are proof that he exists and cares
for us.
But
no stories are as dear to us as our own.
For me, something as mundane as learning how to kick worry to the curb
through the life lessons of my mother, leading to a life where I rely on him in
everything, is as amazing as God delivering a family from the ravages of war, providing
a much-needed windfall to a poverty-stricken woman, bringing long-lost siblings
together again, or hearing from a loved one in our dreams.
We
might not all have had a clear example to model ourselves after like I had with
my mom, but I learned from her and from God that he is here for each of us to
cast our worries upon. “You, O Lord, are
a shield for me, my glory and the one who lifts up my head… I awake, for the
Lord sustained me.” (Psalm 3: 3, 5).
Dear Lord, thank you for
catching my worries, for sustaining me, and for continuing to assure me that my
life is in your loving hands. Amen.
*******
I inherited the worry thing from my Mom...and she from her Mom. It is so difficult for me to let go of worry and put it in God's hands. I think it's my control freak thing. But really I do find a difference when I am able to let go and give it to God to handle. But it's hard...way hard.
ReplyDeleteWorry is definitely something that can keep us from moving forward. But it is so hard to give up when learned so deeply within our family of origin. I sympathize with you!
DeleteI am a worrier also and as a result have raised a very safety cautious son. I am almost sad sometimes when he says things to me because I think oh, I have made him too scared of things. Several years ago was when I finally came to the realization that I can't do anything about it so just pray for them and leave it up to God. It has helped me to relax a little and I can now see my son starting to take a few more risk as a result of me not overreacting. I also have a daughter who cares nothing about safety and gives me mini heart attacks on a daily basis lol. Thanks for sharing your experience.
ReplyDelete