It goes so fast, we say to other parents on the sidelines as we watch our kids do whatever activity they’re doing this season. Just yesterday they were learning to walk.
They are so grown up! we say about their school pictures. So beautiful! So handsome! They were just babies.
In a year they’ll be driving; we will miss this in a year, we commiserate with each other as we shuttle our kids back and forth in endless loops to school, to practice, to sleepovers and to parties. After that, college. And then they’re gone.
Gone. Off to live their own lives, leaving us behind with their youngest years. It’s a wonderful, agonizing thought.
* * *
At every stage of life we are given gifts to treasure. If we were born into a nurturing family, there’s one. If we are healthy, there’s another. Have great friends? Another. Time, a job we love, ambition, talent, means to live comfortably, good neighbors, the ability to love, trust, serve, and rest: these all are blessings, that wonderful word that has been given a hashtag to highlight it as the butt of everyone’s joke in recent years.
We are blessed. All of us are blessed in different ways. We might not see it clearly. Sometimes we want more, or something else.
I admit that I don’t always acknowledge what I’m given, don’t always see a gift for what it is. The spoils of a good life (paired with a flawed personality) have led me to struggle with openly accepting my blessings. Sometimes I want more, something else.
Years ago a friend said that as she went about her daily chores, she reflected upon her life. “I thought life was going to be more glamorous than this,” she joked. I could relate. I’m a dreamer, and my job – raising kids, managing a home – is invisible, unappreciated, wholly unglamorous. I feel the weight of “You should be doing more” around my neck every day. Sometimes the weight is light and easily cast off; sometimes I feel as if I am being strangled with it. I know it’s a lie, but it is there.
The more satisfied among us, the ones with a more positive perspective (dare I say the ones who have it right?) say “I’m doing exactly what I want to do. I have just what I want; nothing more, nothing less. I am blessed.”
I vacillate between admiring these people and wondering how long they’ve been lying to themselves.
* * *
I believe in God. I believe that he created our world and each one of us uniquely. I believe that he gave us specific gifts to benefit others and ourselves. I believe that he works within us, among us, and through us to teach us exactly what we need to know. I believe that he has a wonderful plan that includes all of us, and that he has created each of us to fulfill a role in this plan.
I believe that God works in invisible ways for good as we slog through the details of life. I believe that God has given me a family to take care of so that I stay in the moment and not wish for other things. The blessings of these people I am challenged to take on are bigger than any dream I can conjure; focusing on their care is my main lesson.
Sometimes we have to consider that we are where we’re supposed to be no matter what life looks like. We aren’t missing anything crucial. God didn’t make a mistake with us. Sometimes he blesses us in ways that we don’t see, or we have disappointments that cause us to take another path that is richer and more rewarding.
God is faithful; are we?
* * *
I look at my teenagers through adoring eyes. They are tall and strong and smart. They are good people. Nice kids. Caring friends. They make mistakes and have a lot to learn, and it seems they are now learning just as much from other places than at home.
I have spent the majority of my time taking care of my family’s most basic needs: shelter, food, clothing. I have spent a lot of time teaching these tasks to my children so that they may take them when they go. I have also spent a lot of time complaining about these tasks, passing them off, running away from them, and dreaming of how my life would be different if they weren’t mine to do. I wonder how many more times I will look upon those tasks in a negative light. I hope it’s not many more.
This life that God gave me is full of gifts. In selfish moments I wish them away. But like everything from God, they are good; they are my blessings.