They each sang out “Sorry” again and I responded,
“Too many I’m sorries, guys. I’m sorry
is when there’s an accident and you didn’t mean to. You two willfully disobey the rules over and
over again and expect that the apology will fix things. It doesn’t.
You need to fix the behavior.”
I tucked them into their beds with a stern “Next
time, do what is right instead of apologizing” and although I was still mad, gave
their worried faces a guarantee that I had in fact forgiven them for their shared
sin of viewing a baking competition over readying themselves for bed at the obligatory
time. Later, I worried that they would
never get it right, that this was a new fight we would be having on a regular basis,
and I thought about how many times I was going to have to steel myself against
losing my temper when they pull this stunt again. The thought of that exhausted me. They need to go to bed early; if they don’t,
they’ll be horrible monsters in the morning.
Every. Single. Morning. Maybe
I’ll go live in a hotel.
As I played the scenario out in my head again and
again, a little thought kept peeking out from behind the anger and
frustration. I could have reacted better, I
could have patiently helped them understand how important this is, I could have held their hands a little
more until they found their way to bed at the appointed time. Eventually, they will get it, and I need to stop being so crazy and be a
better role model.
Sigh.
Then I thought of how many times I fail to meet
God’s expectations, ignore Jesus’ teachings, or shift my focus away from the
Holy Spirit’s guidance. At this point,
it’s willful disobedience on my part – I know the rules. How many times do I say “Sorry” and expect
that I will be forgiven for my transgressions, which let’s face it, are usually
more serious than staying up too late?
Jesus takes my hand, stands by my side, and watches
me get my act together until I can get it right all by myself. Every. Single. Time.
And if he can do that with me, queen of willful
disobedience, then I can help my kids go to bed on time.
Cupcake Wars, really. Do I have nothing else better to harp on them
about?
*******
Oh, what joy for those whose
disobedience is forgiven, whose sin is put out of sight! Psalm 32:1