Have
you ever found yourself sharing an experience or a problem in a conversation
with another person, and her response is this: “That’s why I’m so glad that I
don’t (fill in the blank with whatever issue you have that she doesn’t share)? Have you ever found yourself responding in
this way to a friend? You might be glad
that you don’t have kids in diapers anymore, or only have girl children, or
only have boy children, or have no siblings, or live in a nicer climate, or
started to exercise, or became a vegetarian, or only have friends who are
Christians.
I’ve done it.
Often,
we don’t even realize what we’re saying – we’re so excited about talking about
ourselves in a conversation that we don’t see that we’ve just alienated a
person right at the point where they need understanding most, when they are
sharing feelings and hurts. But what is
the harm, really? We’re just sharing,
right? She is worried that her daughter
is still in diapers at age four – so what?
Mine have been out for years, Hallelujah, OMG, I am so glad that I don’t
have to change diapers anymore. The
mess! The cost! The stinkiness!
This
type of conversation always sat wrong with me.
I can complain, people. Oh, how I
can complain. So I have heard this a
lot. I agree that while maybe this line
may be a person’s passive-aggressive way of getting me to shut up about
whatever I harp about, I have also heard it when sharing something that hurts
me deeply, something that keeps me up at night, troubles that seem to hang on. And I’ve felt bad and misunderstood – like
the person wasn’t interested in relating to me.
I felt wrong, somehow. Rejected. The words “Your troubles make me happy that I’m not you” –
which is what is being said – they sting.
This
cheering ourselves on as a response to another person’s sorrow has the direct
result of making a person feel less about herself, and it serves to place us
above them. It’s our pride talking, and
it alienates others. We all have pride. Just as the Pharisee prayed “God,
I thank you that I am not like other men…” (Luke 18:11, NKJV), our pride surfaces when we see ourselves as somehow better
than others when we tell ourselves and others that we don’t share their problems.
Because
we do share their problems. We all have
troubles. Furthermore, we all sin.
Every single one of us. We are
all made in God’s image, and fall short of his ideal. We are not better than one another. We all need Jesus as an example to live on this
earth and to absolve us of our sins.
None of is different in this regard. When we understand that, we become more aware
of how we might be alienating those around us with our pride.
Jesus
said, “…For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself
will be exalted” (v. 14). When we are
prideful of what we have instead of humbled about it before God, we effectively
cut ourselves off from God, and others as well.
Can
we try harder to love each other and not alienate each other with our pride? We can.
Through God’s goodness and Jesus’ sacrifice, we all have an opportunity
to change.
*******
“Be
honest in your estimate of yourselves, measuring your value by how much faith
God has given you.” Romans 12:3 (NLT)
Guilty as charged, I'm afraid. The other bad one? "Must be nice to be able to..." I know I've thought that about single or childless friends on occasion when married with kids life seems overwhelming. But I can recall being on the flip side, too, when I was the single person without that type of obligation. When people would say it I'd think "yeah, and it must be nice to have someone to come home to at night," etc. Great example of grass is always greener. Maybe pride comes from some need to make everyone around us think we're just fine and dandy, thanks, so we don't have to admit that there may be some area in our life or our self that needs work, isn't what we need it to, isn't going as planned. Such good food for thought here today. :)
ReplyDeleteThat's interesting... while I don't think "must be nice" about other's situations, I've heard it. I always reply "Yes, it is." Who knows, that might be a worse response than the question? I think you're right with being prideful about making sure everyone knows we're juuuuust fine, thankyouverymuch. In effect we gloss over the parts that might not be. We try very hard to keep others out of our ugly parts, and that's where pride comes from, I'm afraid.
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