Kindness
is kind of my thing. I preach it to my
kids, employ it online, look for and encourage it in the world, strive to show
it in my relationships. But there is one
place where my kindness has a long way to go: within me.
Isn’t
that cute how we can be all in for a cause, then when it comes right down to
it, we’re not really about it as much as we say? I think they call this hypocrisy, don’t they?
At
home, where space is shared and habits grate and patience wears thin, kindness
can be hard to find. On any given day
you may hear me snapping back at my husband, sigh in audible exasperation at my
daughter, and raise my voice in a shout against my son. My temper flares and I lash out, and like the
flame of a match blown out, it’s over as soon as it begins. But like the smoke of a match, the effects
linger; unkind words and behaviors sting, the consequences of my rashness written
all over their faces and in their reactions to me for a long time afterwards.
Now,
look. I am not a monster. I’m not quite Mommie Dearest, raging against
my children over wire hangers. I am not
planning my husband’s demise when he tosses his dirty clothes to the hamper and
misses. But still. Unkind thoughts often spill out of my mind to
my lips, and they would be better left unsaid.
It’s
a difficult thing, to keep unkind words inside.
I feel impelled to voice my thoughts, say what is on my mind. Being heard is one of my biggest desires. But I need to choose my words more carefully. We all do.
The
problem is that sometimes I don’t feel kind.
Sometimes I feel like things are stupid and I want to say, “That is
stupid.” Or “I don’t care about
that.” There’s a magnet on our fridge
that says “I just please need you to shut up for one minute.” I love it - it says what I think. But I think that too often – it is
unkind. To tell another person to shut
up stops her from sharing, tells him that his thoughts are not important, puts
my wants above theirs.
And
it’s not really what I’m preaching when I say “Be kind” to my kids, nor what I’m
after, ultimately. It’s not what Jesus taught
me, nor how God wants me to act. So why
do I rebel?
Emotions
can be hard to handle, especially when they are in response to negative events
and actions that go against what we want.
When those emotions threaten to spill over into our behavior, we have a
choice: we can add to the fire by lashing out and being unkind, or we can snuff
the flame by covering it with love and kindness. Kindness as love is so powerful. It can douse a mighty flame of hate and
negativity. There’s a reason for the cliché
“kill ‘em with kindness.” Kindness works;
it disarms. In addition, it transforms
our hearts. I can’t tell you how many
tears I’ve cried over words I’ve said that have hurt another person. Some things are unintentional, but
still. Some things I recall saying cause
me to wince – I can’t believe I said that.
My heart is being transformed.
Kindness
is in short supply in the world and in our own homes sometimes. But we have a choice to let it overflow from
each one of us. It’s what Jesus preached
and taught; it’s what God wants for us.
*******
I looked up “kindness”
in a couple of different Bible translations, and the following are only a few verses
about kindness that came up. Clearly,
God wants kindness for us:
You
gave me life and showed me kindness, and in your providence
watched over my spirit. Job 10:12
(NIV)
Your kindness will reward
you, but your cruelty will destroy you. Proverbs
11:17 (NLT)
I
will tell of the kindnesses of the Lord, the deeds for which he is
to be praised, according to all the Lord has done for us— yes, the many good
things he has done for Israel, according to his compassion and many kindnesses. Isaiah 63:7
(NIV)
If it is possible, as
far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:18 (NIV) –
this one didn’t come up under “kindness” – but it’s my favorite, so I had to
add it.
But
the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness… Galatians
5:22 (NLT)
Therefore,
as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with
compassion, kindness, humility,
gentleness and patience. Colossians
3:12 (NIV)
Thanks. I needed a reminder today.
ReplyDeleteSo glad to help you. I need this every day it seems. This, and patience, patience, patience.
DeleteAnd then my favorite in Hosea 11 - "I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love."
ReplyDeleteI am the same way as you. I often think of the proverbs to combat my speech, like how it's better to live on the corner of a roof than to live with a nagging wife. Ha Ha I actually promised my husband in our wedding vows that I would not nag like a drippy faucet. And yet I still nag unkindly.
I love that image: cords of human kindness. It tells of our yearning for connectedness, a trait we all share. My nagging is more like a monsoon than a drippy faucet. It's all wind and fury, leaving devastation in its path.
Delete