Sometimes I have a hard time making big decisions. I continue to hold onto a very strong fear
of commitment that keeps me from going down a certain road – what if I miss something
better and more fulfilling over there? Maybe
I should wait until something better comes along. It’s easier to ruminate over the
possibilities than to choose one direction.
I don’t want to give anything up to choose something else.
I see this quality in my children, my husband, and sometimes my
friends – and it drives me crazy! Let’s
get moving, I want to say. Make up your
mind. CHOOSE.
Lest anyone consider that sensitivity and compassion are not
traits that one would readily use to describe me, I have to say that I get
it. Despite the frustration of waiting around while someone else makes a choice, I get their
hesitation, their uncertainty. When my
son tries one new activity after another and deems none of them quite as
exciting as sitting on the sofa with his game console, when my husband insists on
yet another shopping excursion to look at gas grills, when our family talks and
talks about buying new furniture or taking a trip to Disney World or going to a
concert together, and instead do none of it, I get it. Decisions are hard to make. We don’t know how any of them will turn
out. We don’t know if we will do the
right thing.
Giving up one kind of life to pursue another is one of the hardest
things we have to do. Sometimes it seems
easier to continue where we are instead of change our course. Quitting a job, exiting a relationship, or moving
from one city to another, especially if the decision is unnecessary or possibly
dangerous, is scary. We move from the
known to the unknown. We don’t know what’s
over the horizon, and it could be filled with obstacles and pain.
Before I really knew Jesus, I remember feeling this way about a Christian
lifestyle. People who were more religious were different somehow. Their lives were filled with things that just
weren’t for me. Praying out loud,
spending more than the required Sunday morning at church helping out, reading
the Bible, associating with other church people. These perceived differences were enough to
keep me away from getting sucked into that major life transformation. What if I become more religious and am forced
to give up everything? How will I know
how to navigate such a drastic change?
It was easier to stay right where I was.
The funny thing is, when I made the decision to make Jesus a part
of my life, it wasn’t a huge one at all.
It sort of just happened. Jesus
waited until I was in the perfect spot in my life to reveal himself to me, and
I walked through the door of his church with open eyes and an open heart. It didn’t seem like such a big change after
all. I didn’t give anything up, not
really. More was added to my life than
was taken away when I decided to read the Bible, pray, and hang out at church
with other church people. God knew how
to make the decision easier for me. He
knows that I would have resisted a stronger arm, hidden from a thunder clap of
realization.
God can do this for all of us – he knows our tendencies, our personalities
– and he uses the way he made us to bring us around to him. He might bang some of us over the head with
his truth, or ease us into his Kingdom through small twists in life
circumstances. Resting in his arms is
what we are made for, so when we make the decision to follow his lead, it’s no surprise
that it just feels right, like we are exactly where we are supposed to be.
And not like we are giving up anything at all.
*******
Walking
along the beach of Lake Galilee, Jesus saw two brothers: Simon (later called
Peter) and Andrew. They were fishing, throwing their nets into the lake. It was
their regular work. Jesus said to them, “Come with me. I’ll make a new kind of
fisherman out of you. I’ll show you how to catch men and women instead of perch
and bass.” They didn’t ask questions, but simply dropped their nets and
followed.
A
short distance down the beach they came upon another pair of brothers, James
and John, Zebedee’s sons. These two were sitting in a boat with their father,
Zebedee, mending their fishnets. Jesus made the same offer to them, and they
were just as quick to follow, abandoning boat and father. Matthew 4:18-22 (The Message)
I am the worst at making decisions. The worst. I really related to this!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Laura. I don't mind making decisions, but I usually look over my shoulder to see how the options are working out.
DeleteThis. I loved this: Resting in his arms is what we are made for, so when we make the decision to follow his lead, it’s no surprise that it just feels right, like we are exactly where we are supposed to be.
ReplyDeleteI was the same as you. It was so hard to surrender. I SO didn't want to be religious. t think my calling was somewhere between a gentle nudge and a little strong-arming, but whatever it was it was what I needed. I loved this post. :-)
Thank you, Jennie! It's a good thing that God caught me off guard - I don't know where I'd be if he hadn't sort of herded me here when I wasn't paying attention. ;)
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