He
was sitting at the end of the kitchen table, looking out the window, lips
pursed, the hint of a frown crinkling his forehead.
“What’s
the matter?” I asked. I scanned my brain
for the myriad things I had done recently that could be construed as problematic
for my husband.
“Nothing,
really. I’m just annoyed in general,” he
conceded after a moment’s hesitation. He
knows that I won’t let his brooding go for long. Sooner or later I would drag a confession out
of him. It’s just how it works around
here, and sooner is always better.
Work,
traffic, reentry into our family’s buzzing hive after being gone on a business
trip; these are the things that pepper his life with difficulties that I don’t
experience. I don’t blame him for being
annoyed, most days. But he probably just
needs to get over it. It’s hard to be
the king, I snarkily thought.
***
I
was driving on a four lane highway and my lane was ending. There were cars in the lane beside me, but I
had just enough room to get over. I judged
my speed against theirs and sped up to get in the front of the line. At once, the car behind me in the opposite
lane sped up to prevent me from merging; I slammed on my brakes to avoid colliding
with the traffic cones that appeared much too quickly ahead. Swerving into the lane behind the offending
car, I noticed that the driver was talking on her cellphone. She should have let me in! I leaned on my horn to get her attention, and
promptly flipped her off.
I
had never done that before; I am usually a Zen master on the road. When I got home I was still mad. I decided that I was better off staying
inside for the rest of the day, where it was unlikely that anybody else would
bother me.
***
Most
days, my husband and I can find contentment with how life is going. But sometimes, one thing falls out of place
and the whole rhythm of life is thrown off.
Usually other people are involved.
Often, they live within the walls of our home.
When
these things happen, it’s easy to brood or lash out. These are our favorite reactions, honed from
years of practice. It’s harder to be at
peace when things go haywire, to give our troubles to God, ask for help, and
move on with life.
We
are human, after all. We desire compensation. We want the last word and personal justice.
My
husband and I are Christians. We know
what Jesus says about godly living, forgiveness, how to reconcile with
others. We know that in Christ, we can
be content. One of my favorite Bible
verses has to do with living at peace with others, for Pete’s sake.
At
the core of our desire, we want to be centered, at peace. The ungodly reactions come when we want to be the center again.
When
I reacted harshly to the woman who cut me off on the road, I was angry at her
not yielding to me. When my husband sat in silent annoyance, he
was mad because things weren’t going his
way. In the moment, neither of us
thought that there was anything we might be doing wrong, that there was a
lesson to learn from our experience.
When
we rest in Christ, we see our lives as part of God’s plan, his hand firmly and
lovingly in charge. We may suffer
rejection and maltreatment, misunderstanding and injustice, but God is always
on our side. We can be annoyed or hurt
and angry at the actions of others, pointing fingers and sniffing out sin with
upturned noses, or we can cease being part of the world’s machine and be elevated
by the Spirit.
We
will get through this life in one way or another. Why not keep Jesus at the center of our
lives, and look to him for help?
Dear Lord, please help
me to be more content in you.
Help us
all to see that you are in charge. Amen.
*******
Isn't it odd that it can SO hard to keep Him in the center when the bad stuff piles up, seemingly all at once, and YET, that's the only time we can ever truly cope well? Why is that? We are surely so hard-headed, and I'm so guilty of this!
ReplyDeleteI do get so frustrated with myself, as much as I get frustrated with children who don't listen. I am so grateful that I get chance after chance to try to do better.
DeleteOh, goodness what a reminder that I needed today. I have been pouting around wanting things to go exactly the way I want them to go and they are not doing that!
ReplyDeleteYou are in good company. I often pout when I don't get my way. It's not really my most attractive personality characteristic either. :)
DeleteLove this!! I needed this reminder today. I nearly told someone off today at the gym for talking to her friend!! Okay, she was talking loudly, but that doesn't give me the right to be rude.
ReplyDeleteRight. Sometimes I can convince myself that others' rudeness is my cue to be rude right back. I always feel terrible about it later.
DeleteFor what it's worth, I would have flipped her off, too. But then, I'm a bad example of Christian behavior.
ReplyDeleteSo am I, friend. So am I. It's a struggle to do better sometimes.
Delete