It
upsets me to hear sly judgments in conversations.
“He
would drive me crazy! I’m so glad I don’t
have to deal with her husband.”
“I’d
never be able to handle all those kids – that’s why we stopped after one.”
“I
don’t know how you can spend so much time cleaning – I’m glad I have a
housekeeper.”
“Your
crazy family makes me feel relieved that mine lives in another state.”
We
don’t even know we do it.
I
try not to do this, but I know I’m guilty.
When I hear someone talk about an aspect of her life that is different
than mine, I imagine myself in her spot, and it seems so foreign,
so against how I currently do things, that sometimes I can’t help but share how
happy I am that I don’t have that experience.
I’m
so glad I’m not you, because your life sounds awful/confusing/hard/weird, and I
just couldn’t deal.
It’s
what we’re thinking, if not what we’re saying. An alternative “I’m glad my life is different” isn’t much nicer.
Humans
can’t help but compare. Most of us
regard others with interest, and sometimes we just enjoy the company, but other
times we judge. She’s a mess. My life is better. I’m better.
In
God’s eyes, we are all the same. All
created lovingly, all loved equally. We
are made uniquely and given different lives.
We all have our own hardships.
What one experiences, another passes on that experience. None of us is oblivious to hardship or
difficulty, and each of us has our own perspective on what makes life hard or
easy.
For
some, hardship may look like having five children. Or a large house to clean. Or an insensitive husband. Or difficult family members. For others, these things are simply what
rounds out their life experience. Not something
that needs to be judged by others, or looked upon harshly. It’s just what life looks like. God is working in each of our lives through our
experiences to make us who he intends us to be.
We
also all have the potential for joy and fulfillment. We are all sinners, and face demons that
threaten us each day. We are all offered
the chance for salvation. For some, that
chance may be hard-won. For others, we
may be born into it. And others may have
had it and threw it away.
Compared
to God, we all fall short. We are not
superior to each other. We are each
unique, but uniquely human and fallible.
All the same, all in need of the Holy Spirit to guide us and the blood
of Jesus to save us.
We
might be glad not to suffer the hardships of another. Turning that gladness into concern, prayer,
humility – the things God wants us to cultivate in our character – is a better
option. A nicer option. A godly option.
In
the end, we are nothing without God.
Focusing on him and his strength to help us navigate this life is always
better than judging others.
Dear Lord, Stop me when
I judge. Help me to see others through
your eyes. Thank you, Amen.
*******
The Story
of the Tax Man and the Pharisee
Luke 18:9-14
He
told his next story to some who were complacently pleased with themselves over
their moral performance and looked down their noses at the common people: “Two
men went up to the Temple to pray, one a Pharisee, the other a tax man. The
Pharisee posed and prayed like this: ‘Oh, God, I thank you that I am not like
other people—robbers, crooks, adulterers, or, heaven forbid, like this tax man.
I fast twice a week and tithe on all my income.’
“Meanwhile
the tax man, slumped in the shadows, his face in his hands, not daring to look
up, said, ‘God, give mercy. Forgive me, a sinner.’”
Jesus
commented, “This tax man, not the other, went home made right with God. If you
walk around with your nose in the air, you’re going to end up flat on your
face, but if you’re content to be simply yourself, you will become more than
yourself.”
*******
What an eye opener! I try not to compare, but it's so hard. I love the part how you explained, "what rounds out their life experience." Thank you
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jessa!
DeleteSometimes we don't even know we are doing it. God has put it on my heart to be extra careful with what I say, because I have a speak-before-I-think problem. :) I've become very sensitive to when people start off a comment with an "I'm so glad that..." and I've learned to check myself before I start doing the same. xo
Yes! Thank you for posting this! Thank you for reminding me. Because I can so often do this:
ReplyDelete"who were complacently pleased with themselves over their moral performance"
Thank you for reminding me that what seems impossible to me is not necessarily overly burdensome to someone else. (And even if it is, who am I to judge?!)
The second lesson you mentioned. This is the one that I struggle with the most lately. It is also one that I didn't even know I had so many opinions about until recently.
DeleteI have a friend who says "I don't know how you do it" over raising 2 disabled children. I always find it funny, I think the same about him raising 4 kids! You do what you have to, and it's your hill to climb, to struggle, to be victorious over. Don't compare at all, because you can just as well feel envy as relief. Thanks for the reminder!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your perspective, Gina! We all do what we need to do to live the life we have right now. Each of us has our own set of survival skills that we use daily. And each of us triumphs over what we've survived.
DeleteReally great article - we judge like you said.... but the worst is usually as soon as that person leaves a "group of friends or girls" - the women start "gabbing" or back stabbing.... we all do it.... but I am trying to be more mindful that most of us are just doing the best we can, with what we have - that you Jesus!
ReplyDeleteThat's so true! We can't help but compare, yet it always fills me with sadness that that's all we can think of doing sometimes. I think it's a struggle for most of us.
DeleteOh oh oh….I love this ------> "Turning that gladness into concern, prayer, humility – the things God wants us to cultivate in our character – is a better option. A nicer option. A godly option." YES! Such a great thing to do when we get all high-horsey or even pity someone when they might not even want our pity. Nicely done!
ReplyDeleteThank you Bonnie! I have to say,the times when I practice this, I feel so much better about the whole situation - because then I am focusing on God instead of myself. Focusing on God works wonders in every single situation.
Delete