The
idea of hopes and dreams brings to mind a teenage girl sprawled on the floor of
her bedroom, furiously writing in her diary the things she desires that she
wouldn’t utter to another soul, save maybe a best friend or close sibling.
“Hopes
and Dreams,” the journal entry might read in purple bubble letters. “To date the cutest boy in school. For my parents to buy me a car. To be a famous singer.”
My
images might be a little dated. I grew
up in the 80s, after all. Those were the
days of the teen paperback, Sweet Valley High influencing teen angst in the way
of broken hearts and simple yearnings.
It
doesn’t matter what our hopes and dreams are, innocent disquiet notwithstanding. Whether or not we breathe them aloud, they
are there. We have them even if we don’t
allow ourselves to entertain them for more than a few moments at a time.
Gut
desires go much deeper than general wishes like financial security, physical
health, and peace on earth. We
want. We long. We obsess over details about how we want life
to look. We think “I would be happy if…”
“I only need this one thing to feel fulfilled…” “Life would be perfect if I
had…”
We
fool ourselves into thinking that having the things that comprise our hopes and
dreams is what makes life worth living.
* * *
What
I did not realize, as a young person filled with angst, is what God wanted for
me. I spent time in Sunday School but
never really developed a relationship with God much deeper than asking for his
blessing for my family during nightly prayers as sort of a
habit-slash-insurance policy against bad things happening. I figured if I asked God to bless us, nothing
bad would happen. For the most part it
worked.
Lucky
for me I stopped praying to God long before bad things actually did start
happening – I couldn’t blame God for my failures if I had ignored him for
years. A crisis of faith was not
something I suffered as a result; I just figured that God was a myth and any
hopes and dreams I had for myself were my responsibility to realize. There was no crisis – I knew I deserved every
bit of what happened to me.
As
I matured and regained and broadened my faith, I learned that God wants the
very best for me, even more than I wish for myself. Often I don’t know what that is; I
trust that God will provide it. I’m
still learning to ask him for specific things – I don’t always trust that I want
the right things. My hopes and dreams
are still just wishes. Only he knows
what’s best.
There
is always room for growth in faith – this is where I am right now. To trust God to know what is best in my life,
but not quite knowing for sure what to specifically ask for. Boldness does not come naturally; humility is
far easier. When you’re already low to
the ground, falling on your face doesn’t hurt as badly.
It’s
not a sin to tell God what we want, and the Holy Spirit will guide us to desire
for ourselves what God wants for us. God
is kinder to us than we are to ourselves sometimes. He is always with us, and as long as we reach
out to him, he will never forsake us.
*******
“Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
I love your post, Andrea. And your path sounds a lot like mine, especially the "insurance policy" prayers.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jennie. I used to bear some guilt that I used prayer merely to make sure life would turn out okay. When I finally accepted God's love, it freed me up to send the guilt packing. God loves me despite my (still) immature yearnings.
DeleteI love the title of your blog! I know its a daily struggle for me too, but I am constantly trying to learn and grow!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Heather! Daily sin, daily struggle, daily need for forgiveness - we all experience this.
DeleteI love this:It’s not a sin to tell God what we want, and the Holy Spirit will guide us to desire for ourselves what God wants for us. God is kinder to us than we are to ourselves sometimes.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Debra! xo
DeleteMy prayers often wind around my desires, my hopes, my dreams, my wants... and laced with each request is a humble "Thy will be done". I am constantly trusting and reminding myself of that trust- that my Heavenly Father's plan for me is perfect in His Purpose. When we trust that completely- all our dreams are 'insured' in Him.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post, Andrea!
That humble "Thy will be done" - I know it well. I need reminders of trust, too.
DeleteThank you, friend! xoxo
Andrea,
ReplyDeleteI have gone through periods when I don't trust my prayers, so, I ask the Holy Spirit to pray for me. I think we all have our periods of doubts and confusion, when the right path is not clear.
Such a good reminder that the Holy Spirit can do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. I will remember that you said this. Thank you. xo
Delete